Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Taken

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put Love and mercy between your (hearts), verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” [Quran 30:21]

That's a word that I never thought would be possible to apply to myself  for the past 2 years.
It took me quite sometime to mend my broken heart and I just don't want the same thing to happen again. For quite some time, I honestly believe that I'd sealed my heart quite properly... until the day that I met her.
It all started on that one day when Allah opened my heart and granted me an opportunity to meet her. Long story short, things escalated quite quickly (in which quick is a very relative concept), they just fall so beautifully at the right time and place. I feel so blessed. However, one thing for sure, being at this stage is never easy for me although the journey to come to this point has been quite uneventful, Alhamdulillah.
I wonder what would be of me now if I were to get that working post in Ireland or if I wrote down Kota Kinabalu on the application form for the ministry of health last time. Whom will we meet instead? Will our path ever cross one another at all?

So many questions yet the only thing I'm hoping for is that she will be the one who will help me to complete that puzzle pieces. Biiznillah.


P/s: 
#1. Please bear with me as I am a complex and difficult to understand kind of person, just like other human. Take whatever clues that you could find to understand myself. I'll do the same for you.
#2. Current state: Vulnerable, fragile but yet joyful?
#3. Opening up and trying to be truthful also could be quite difficult for some people, that would include me as well. Unfortunately, that's the thing that we all have to learn to do so that others could understand us. Unless we don't want them to.
#4. "the most important thing about love is we choose to give it and we choose to receive it" Ryan Reynolds


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It is about to begin

In the name of Allah, the most gracious and the most merciful,


I'd been finally hired by the Government of Malaysia. Thanks God. 

Yesterday was the first day of working although it was all about filling up the many forms and listening to talks/advices by some officers and plus trying new stuff such as the punch card. In fact, within this week, it was all about introduction to the hospital and getting to know important stuff that a house officer (HO) should know. A tiny bit of it

Honestly, it was quite surreal, especially when people address you with the title 'doctor' in front of your name for almost everything. Two weeks ago, it wasn't there although I had been conferred on June 6th of this year. In fact, before this, occasionally people will joke about it and I will just laugh as I bear no real responsibility yet holding that title. And as of now, it was all a different story.

However, the induction held on the previous week sort of prepared me mentally on stuff that I have to expect when registering with the hospital and the Kedah states's health department. Although it was quite far from home, the induction place is superb. Living and eating in an at least 4 star hotel is something that I don't get for free often. Everything was for free. We all have to just go there and listen to talks and get to know a bit about being a government officer.

And the best of all is the way they pay the claim here for newly posted doctors. I kinda got some extra duit raya for that thanks to the induction which was held in Pahang. About 700km away from my hometown which means more money into the pocket! :)

other than that, we are also very lucky to have a week of orientation period in this hospital compared to others who were posted to various hospital around the country. Some of them even have to start the real doctor's job on their 3rd day.

********
As my working life starts, I know things might be a bit busy than usual. All I can say is that I will do my best to cater both, working life and family life. 



The above quotes sum up my stand and hopefully yours too.

wassalam.


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Touched

Any of u even seen this video before?. I know its lame. Just a video. Really? or could it be more?



Have you watch it? What do u think? Cute isn't it?
Superficially, it seems like just another cute video (it is?) from Youtube where some random guy posted a video and somehow become famous instantly like a quick 2 minutes instant noodle. ^___^ .
Obviously inappropriate symbolism i got here. LOL.

Anyhow, the video itself might mean nothing to many but rather just enjoy it for whatever reason be it the cuteness or just simply amazing voice of the fathers for some.

Only when you read more or maybe stalk more about it, then you'll know that it was not just another video.
It was a therapy session for the girls and i'm quite sure also for the father himself.

It was a love story. Something that many are afraid to venture into after multiple failure. Hopefully after read the article below, you-who-had-multiple-failure would not stop from venturing into those area again because whatever happen, life must go on.

It is also a prove that Allah The Almighty is in power to bring about the wealth or whatever goodness to you if he desired in a way that you never expected.

Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among your slaves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and He knoweth all things. (An-Nur: 32)

Click here you'll be touch after you finish reading it. I hope so. ^___^

P/s: my obs n gynae rotation almost comes to an end meaning that final exam is only 2 weeks away. Pray for me lads. Wassalam


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Quotes

An external force that is trying to penetrate ones comfort zone would probably do better by trying to penetrate a steel wall.


The mindset is much harder than a steel when it comes to changing its form.

Love quotes. they could have both the healing and damaging properties.

And while having paeds lecture last week, something remind me of my childhood. I doodled this during the class (Do not follow this!) Some of my sibling may still remember this monkey that we have back then. I cannot remember if I have a lot of teddies while growing up but i do remember about this red monkey with long arms. The size is more or less of 1L mineral water. I cant recall who gave it to me. Must have been from mama and baba. This was kind of the only teddy that i used to have. Nevertheless, it was quite special because I used it for lots of thing including as a ball!
Reminiscing childhood memories always make me smile. Thanks to Allah for protecting me and granted me such a wonderful childhood life.

P/s: i also have tumblr now. ^__^
So, what kind of 'teddy bear' that you guys have during your childhood? You can leave the answer in the comment section. :)


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Liku kehidupan

Mode idiopathic headache


Takziah buat rakan-rakan dan kenalan di Mesir. Semoga Allah sentiasa memelihara kalian dari segala fitnah dunia dan kerosakan. Gerun pun ada bila membaca khabar-khabar dari sana. Perjuangan perlu diteruskan dan mudah-mudahan diberi ganjaran untuk mereka.
Buat rakyat Mesir sekalian, selamat maju jaya. Mudah-mudahan pemimpin zalim tersebut mendapat balasan sewajarnya.
Khabar terbaru menyatakan dia berlindung di negara haram Israel. Kalau betul, memang sah dia adalah kuda tunggangan selama ini.
Islam pasti akan menang, itu janji Allah. Berjuanglah kalian sehingga titisan darah terakhir. Pastinya balasan terbaik menanti di sana. ALLAHUAKBAR! ALLAHUAKBAR! ALLAHUAKBAR! Walillahilhamd.

**********

Terus
Pandang depan
lupakan kisah silam
masanya barangkali dah tiba
Jauh ke dalam infiniti demi sebuah masa depan. 
Bertahun pasti untuk menyembuhkan luka sedalam itu
Apapun semoga Allah kurniakan insan terbaik buat kamu
Pada aku cukuplah seseorang yang disenangi kerana agama dan akhlaknya
Bonus mungkin jika kecantikan dan harta turut bersama apatah lagi jika keluarga turut serta
Aku terus berjalan menusuri denai-denai kecil penuh berduri untuk sampai ke penghujung yang kekal 
Ya Rahman Ya Rahim Ya Rabbul 'Alamin
Kurniakanlah aku dengan petunjuk
berikanlah aku sedikit kesempatan
berikanlah aku secebis kelapangan
untuk membuat sebuah keputusan
Semoga bahagia yang didamba itu 
kekal hingga ke hari pembalasan
juga terbaik untuk masa hadapan 

yang kekal dan pasti
serta abadi


*********

Tadi jumpa patient schizophrenia, sedih dengar cerita hidup dia. Dulu dia kerja computer programmer dan kemudian addicted dengan cannabies. Lepas tu dia hilang segalanya dan diuji pulak dengan penyakit Crohn. Oh, mudah-mudahan Allah jauhkan aku dari dugaan dan cabaran yang tak mampu ditanggung. Kiranya diuji, aku berdoa agar diberi kekuatan oleh Allah SWT untuk menempuh dugaan dan ujian tersebut.


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Loneliness


The video above talks about curing the problem of 'loneliness'. A very short one. Just a brief idea.

I brought up this issue because I'd seen lots of patient in psychiatric ward with the similar problem and as usual, most of them come with low mood and feel depressed. When you ask about family or support at home, many of them actually single/separated and have poor social support.

Here it shows that the importance of family and social support in an individual. In fact, it also very important in term of long care management for psychiatric patient, be if for schizophrenic patient or in depressed patient. Good social support would sometimes lead to a better prognosis. Social support doesn't just mean that live at home with family but the condition and situation at home are also vital.

So to have a good family, a proper planning is no doubt, very essential. Who, where when or what, i leave all that for you guys to answer. I dont need the answer to that. The point is, do plan and do not just sit back and wait for things to happen. By this age (23-24) it is a relevant thing to think about.

*******

One thing that i like about doing medicine is when i was able to see how people respond to a situation. This may also be applied in other field as well. For instance, today i was in the outpatient clinic and an old lady came in with her daughter. She was diagnosed a couple month back with a late onset of bipolar affective disorder. She had a few manic episodes last time and she was hospitalized for that reason. Her daughter described her as not herself anymore at that time and she herself said that she became very bold. Anyway, what i like the most is when the daughter said that you could never appreciate something else any better than something that you almost lost (referring to her mother). It is indeed very true. 

Normally we tend to take thing for granted and only when we lost it or something, then we feel regret. There is no point anymore at that time. Your regret would mean nothing if u can't get it back. Although we know that in the case of a person, he/she will eventually died but while he/she is still here, appreciate it to the best level that you we can especially our own family members. They have contributed so much to allow us to be where we are at the moment.

Reflect and ask yourself again, what have you done to remember your love ones today.

Wassalam.

Note to self:
1. Two patients think that i am younger than my actual age although i have my beard all right today. In fact one of them thought that i was 16! ^__^
2. Old age psychiatric is a good way to allow you to reflect about yourself at the moment.
3. Two of my friends 'secretly' engaged and i only knew their fiancée from a lady friend. Now i know why they said girls love to gossip (or should i say stalking).


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Almost crossed

Human is a very complicated creature. 

The complexity of human is an evidence of the greatness of the creator. Allah SWT. Allahuakbar!

I am a human. So, am i just a plain simple creation? U wish!. ;-)

Today i wasn't able to attend the hospital, or rather decided not to go.[ O_O ] Feverish over the weekend and still sneezing today. Also, I just found out that panadol active fast is SUPER expensive last night!

I don't know what to put the title for this entry actually. *sigh* So i took it from the documentary about Prince William and Kate Middleton. "Their path..."

Lately been following this particular love stories. I wonder why?? lol 


Pen off.


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halfway

the assignments are halfway done. Just finish uploaded one or two a few minutes ago.
InsyaAllah more to come tomorrow. Due date is this Friday. eh, is it? haha

I went to Bray today for another session of the ATP tutor. Part of the module in the GP rotation. Our group had a new ATP tutor today. A very lovely lady doctor. Very nice to all of us.

I was alone in that one whole train compartment today from Dunloghaire Station to Bray Station. Ashraf may still remember these few places that he got to visit last 2 year. do u realize that Ashraf? It was almost 2 years already since we last me. :) How fast time flies these days.

Oh, talking about time, recently i started to question myself again regarding some of the decision that i made in the past. Not that i regretted but more like a reflection to myself. Among them is kind of allowing myself to be in the position to be hurt AGAIN. Not just that, but i think i even go to the level of suppressing some of the natural feeling (unconsciously) that sometimes i feel such a loser that i can no longer feel that.

I miss something so much, but looking at myself right now, it is just not possible. I just pray that they all went back to normal. Probably because of  a sudden change in priority that i dont even realize about these feelings anymore. Hurm...

enough for another episodes of unplanned short story today.

good night.

P/s: i heard my village got affected by the recent flood that hit Kedah and Perlis plus Jitra is now a new Pantai merdeka. :)


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My dear angel

Thou my dear angel
where are you?
shall you come and grab me
hold me dearly back to light?

Thou my dear angel
assist me please
hold me tight and keep me steady
as i am here climbing a very frail rope

Thou my dear angel
when are you coming?
whisper to my ear softly
if you are around already
so i shall know it is you
and not the devil from inside

Verily thou my dear angel
"until i blow that last breath
i will always wait for you
and pray to Allah
so you shall come before me
and guide me towards the paradise"
you and only you


111


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Memories

out there
i know you are somewhere
hiding and acting
just like the others that i met
May one day
we bumped into one another
at a destined moment
and let the LOVE bloom.


Before i even realized it, almost a year flown by. It is hurting, still. Especially when i  read and listen to a particular word. I don't really know what it means before until recently. Intima' it is.
A song keep reminding me of that morning. I was reading that email and at the same time listening to this one beautiful song. Before that, it used to be my favorite song. Now, i always has a mixed feeling whenever i listen to that song. 

For every action, consequences,
For every heart, choices,
For every human a destiny.
All are well planned by HIM.
The End


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End of IC2

Tomorrow will be the last day of this semester.
Then, by the end of January, most of my friends will fly back to Malaysia to continue their battle at Penang Medical College.


Today a smile (if i didn't misinterpret/mis-realized it) change my mood. Totally! Thanks. Even if it was not intended or not really meant for me or whatsoever, you surely change my day today. Thank you very much. ^__^  Sometimes, acknowledge the presence of someone around you don not require you to talk to them or even say "hi". A simple smile or nod will do. Months or even years of silence between two person may turn 360 with a simple gesture like that. Absence as they said makes the heart grow fonder. As for me, simple smile is enough fuel an empty heart. Full tank! 







The exam for Intermediate Cycle 2 is really around the corner. I have less than a month to revise everything. I don't know if i can even finish everything. I'll try my best and keep praying that Allah will grant me the memory to memorize everything that i read. Everything is from HIM and in HIM I trust.


After the exam, i have a month of holiday. I'm looking forward to go to Germany or UK this time but so far, i haven't bought any flight ticket or came out with any holiday plan. Nothing is finalized at this level. In any case, it seems that i would travel alone again this time. It is hard to live with people that you can't get along with. No other option but to be a lone ranger. -.-"


Final bit, i surely wonder why some people can act so strange onlinely. they add you, then delete and add and again delete. WTFish! Can you just be yourself and don't act so weirdly? The fact is, people do judge other by the appearance which sometimes is good (like during interview etc) but when they realize that you are not what they thought you are, then they gonna start talking about you (which is of course, very wrong), asking people that they think know you etc. I believe men and women alike in this case.(peace. ^__^) Its even weirder when they asked people that actually do not know much about you (whom-acted-strangely) why you act like so and so. Please, please, please, just be yourself. you are not a spy that you have to hide your identity and act strangely/differently when you face the mass. I myself has to admit that I do act differently when I am not talking to others face to face, but then...have some consideration please. dont just add random people, then delete and then add them again and then delete them again. its a social page for god sake! People do notice the change; specially the one that i believed stalked you silently!


One more thing, just a random info. A Lot of people do not realize what effect did the recent change in FB privacy level does. Most people are still with the old default privacy settings which means that after the recent change allowed people (whom are not in their friend list) to view their pics, album and see their wall. Check your privacy setting including each and every of your album and also the status privacy setting. Change it to "only friends" if you want to allow your friend only to view the album. If not, that album is available to ALL Facebook user. Available to ALL! You need not care much about this unless you have some pics that you dont want people to look at in the first place last time. Peace!


Edited:
My apology to those offended by my writing above. My limited and improper choice of wordings may had caused some people to feel uneasy about the writing. I hope you would forgive me and get the message. I wouldn't withdraw the writing because everything that i wrote above is real. Thank you.


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Barakallahulakuma wabaraka 'alaikuma wajama'a bainakuma fi qair



Tudia...hensem Haziq!


haziq 5D: wehhhhh
muaz: ye
haziq 5D: aku nk hadiah lg
muaz: hadiah?
haziq 5D: hahaha
muaz: oh
haziq 5D: aku nk nikah
muaz: oeh?
haziq 5D: mggu dpn
muaz: serius?
haziq 5D: aah
muaz: awalnya
muaz: x smpt nk p la
muaz: tahniah weh
haziq 5D: xpe
muaz: bdk mana?
haziq 5D: just nk gtau je
muaz: wa..
muaz: tergempar ni
haziq 5D: bdk trengganu
muaz: wawawa
muaz: laju seh
muaz: tahniah2
muaz: lg cepat dari **** (terpaksa sensored)
muaz: aku ingat ko yg plng slow
haziq 5D: haha
muaz: hehe
muaz: tahniah2
muaz: sama2 uia?
haziq 5D: yup
muaz: ic2
haziq 5D: satu kals
muaz: insyaAllah
muaz: ada rezeki summer ni aku g jmpa ko
haziq 5D: hee
haziq 5D: bereh
muaz: bila tarikhnya?
haziq 5D: aku lum post g kad nikah aku lam fb
haziq 5D: asyik lupe je nk scan
muaz: barakallahulakuma wabaraka alaikuma wajama bainakuma fi qair
haziq 5D: 18.12
muaz: alhamdulillah
muaz: sukanya aku dgr
muaz:
muaz:
haziq 5D: haha
muaz: thanks sbb inform
haziq 5D: ko de no contact napie?
muaz: xdak la aku kecik hati nnt
muaz:  :P
muaz: ym ada la
muaz: tp x nmpk dia online
muaz: bdk2 lain dah tau?
haziq 5D: lum
haziq 5D: aku senyap je
muaz: nk aku kaborkn ka camna?
muaz: hehe
haziq 5D: blh la kut
haziq 5D: sbb aku fkr dlu lmb lg
haziq 5D: 2 aku wat diam je
muaz: ok
muaz: nnt aku kaborkn
haziq 5D: beeh boh
muaz: ish2
muaz: senyap je eh
muaz: haha
muaz: terkejut neh
haziq 5D: nnt aku wat kt tmpt n9 ko dtg la
muaz: bila?
muaz: summer?
haziq 5D: lps aku grad
haziq 5D: hahaha
muaz: bila ko grad?
haziq 5D: dela lg 2 thn stengah
muaz: ic2
muaz: haha
muaz: boleh2
muaz: ni kira nikah dlu la ni
muaz: hehe
muaz: bgus2
haziq 5D: nikah n kenduri kt tmpt p'puan
muaz: mcm kawan aku kat sini gak sorang mcm gitu
muaz: 2 thn beza kenduri tuh
muaz: haha
muaz: xpa2
muaz: kenduri tu nk maklumkn saja
haziq 5D: xpe
haziq 5D: nnt blh rase mcm bru kawin blk
haziq 5D: haha
muaz: btol2
muaz: selamat la semuanya aku doakan
haziq 5D: aminnnnn
muaz: insyaAllah nnt aku bgtau bdk2 lain sama
haziq 5D: ok
muaz: thanks sbb inform
muaz:
haziq 5D: berehhhh
muaz: tgh sibuk memanggil org ka weh
muaz: haha
haziq 5D: huiii siap wat post 2
haziq 5D: hahaa
muaz: haha
muaz: biasa lah
muaz: tumpang gembira
muaz: nak masuk dlm blog neh
muaz: haha
muaz: nnt post gmbar sket kalau x kisah eh
muaz:
haziq 5D: gmbr nikah?
haziq 5D: blh je
muaz: aah
muaz: aku letak dlm blog aku
muaz: haha
haziq 5D: bllh2
muaz: yes
muaz: hehe
muaz: nnt aku letakkn dlm blog



Haziq ni salah sorang kawan aku kat Beseri sekali dgn Hilmi, En. Haa Kim, Atif dan lain-lain. 2 tahun satu kelas, bnyk jugak la yang kitorng share. Cuma yang paling tak sangka sebab tiba-tiba dia pulak yang awal dalam hal ini, padahal dulu sonyap ajo budok nogori nih. haha. Pokat sungguh kalau cakap dgn dia ni. ^__^

Last summer ka bila tah, mcm dengar-dengar gak khabar angin dia dah bertunang, tapi tiba-tiba macam terlupa sebentar hal tu. haha.
Anyway, tahniah la buat Haziq, moga rumah tangga yang dibina tu berkekalan hingga selamanya insyaAllah.
Haziq cakap nanti dia bagi gambar nikah kalau tiada aral melintang. Will be updated insyaAllah post ni nnt.


Apapun aku nak ucapkan,
Selamat bakal pengantin baru buat saudaraku Mohd Haziq bin Zawawi serta bakal isteri (maaf kalau salah eja nama sbb dah lama sgt tak jumpa enta haziq :p) yang bakal melangsungkan perkahwinan 18.12.09 ini. Semoga semua aturcara majlis dan urusan dipermudahkan Allah swt. Semoga kalian berbahagia dan dirahmati Allah selalu. Semoga kalian berdua nanti jugak jadi pasangan doktor yang beriman dan bertaqwa.


kalau nak kenal Haziq, cari aku. Haziq duduk atas kerusi, kat sebelah aku. Jumpa? O.o


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Before you say I DO

“Of Love--may God exalt you! -the first part is jesting, and the last part is right earnestness. So majestic are its diverse aspects, they are too subtle to be described; their reality can only be apprehended by personal experience. Love is neither disapproved by Religion, nor prohibited by the Law; for every heart is in God's hands.”
Ibn Hazm



You can download the talk from a seminar by Sheikh Yaser Birjas from here and the notes if I'm not mistaken is somewhere in the white box.net on this page or u can view it from here, here, here, here and here. (5 parts)
A very beautiful talk and about love. May Allah guide us in the right path as we can't always win the fight with the nature of human. Falling in love. ^___^


P/s: the actual talk about the topic only start on 2nd lecture (mp3 file). In the first file, Sheikh Yaser gave introduction about the topic and the backgroud of Ibnu Hazm. Do listen if you have time.


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dead end

To whom it may concern,

Dear friend,


How are you doing at this moment? i hope you are in the best of health.
I'm writing this to express my greatest regret for not being able to continue walking with you for the time being. It seems impossible now for me to keep the pace and meet you at the crossroad as promised.  There is a big and well built wall halting my journey at the moment.  

Don't worry, I'll keep looking for other way to break through this big wall although all the odds seems to be against me at the moment. However, bear in mind sometimes it can be too long before I can finally walk the path again, or maybe if I were too tired of trying, I may take another route to continue the journey and the later means we may probably never meet at that crossroad as promised. 
Anyhow do not wait for me and keep on walking as I'm sure u'll reach the destination that we once thought we will arrive together. Someone else i'm sure is also walking towards the same direction and both of u might meet one another at any point along the journey. 
I'm deeply sorry as i wasn't able to continue the journey with you and not able to keep my word. Never my intention to hurt you, what else to ruin your peaceful life. I believe i was there for a reason but somehow i only find a dead end for the time being. We shall meet again if i'm able to keep the pace and able to break the wall and also the most important if Allah already planned our meeting there.
Until then, i pray you a safe journey ahead and again, forgive me for everything.

Best Wishes,
Muaz Adam Mohd Nabil.


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الحمد لله

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Pengasih,

Subhanallah, alhamdulillah, Allahuakbar. Sekarang ni baru beberapa jam umur aku mencecah 22 tahun. Rasa syukur aku panjatkan setinggi-tingginya kepada Allah SWT yang memanjangkan usia untuk mencecah jarak perjalanan kehidupan sejauh ini dan menikmati nikmat kurniaan-NYA. Semoga aku sentiasa bersyukur dengan segala pemberian-NYA dan menjadi hamba yang taat dan patuh dengan suruhan Allah.


Sejarah hidup
22 tahun hidup di dunia ni bila dikenangkan rasa macam singkat sangat. Teringat lagi pengalaman waktu sekolah rendah, main di kampung dan benda-benda lain yang aku buat masa aku kecik-kecik dulu. Terasa macam baru sangat semua tu. Ada antara memori tu segar lagi dalam ingatan. Bila balik ke kampung baru-baru ni, aku lalu di kawasan rumah tok, tempat aku membesar dan menghabiskan masa kanak-kanak aku. Rumah tu sekarang ni pun dah banyak berubah. Bahagian dapur tu dah runtuh, kebun belakang rumah tu pun dah tak rupa kebun lagi. Rumah tu pun khabarnya dah uzur sangat sebab budak-budak yang sewa tu tak jaga sangat. Kalau dulu raya masih berkumpul kat situ walaupun tok dah takdak, tapi sejak rumah tu disewakan beberapa tahun lepas, semuanya tinggal kenangan saja. Rasanya rumah tu paling kurang pun dah dihuni lebih 50 tahun sebelum disewakan. Mungkin lebih lama. Aku tak berapa pasti.

Aku sebagai cucu lelaki sulung (cucu kedua) memang mendapat tempat dalam keluarga.^_^  Aku ingat lagi, sebelum arwah wan Din (datuk) meninggal, aku dihantar hampir setiap hari oleh wan ke PASTI yang hanya lebih kurang 400 meter dari rumah. Kadangkala aku pergi sendiri kalau Kak Aina ada sekali (kat mana eh sekarang ni kak aina?). Cikgu-cikgu di PASTI memang semua kenal aku sebab arwah wan dan tok kedua-duanya agak terkenal dipondok tempat aku membesar. Masa umur 6 tahun, wan Din (Hj Fadzil Hj Shafie) meninggal. Tarikh pun aku masih ingat walaupun orang cakap tak elok ingat tarikh orang mati sebab katanya nanti lemah ingatan. (tak dapat dipastikan kebenarannya)

1994 aku dimasukkan ke darjah satu di Sekolah Kebangsaan Langgar. Di sini aku mula kenal dengan kawan rapat aku sampailah sekarang iaitu En. Ahmad Faris Ismail (aka PEH).Kedua-dua kami diletakkan di kelas 1 Melati. Waktu darjah 3 aku dan Faris dilantik jadi pengawas tapi Faris tolak. Dia takmau jadi pengawas. Masa tu jadi pengawas kantin saja sebab tolong jaga kantin masa budak-budak darjah 1 sampai 3 rehat. Bila dah naik darjah 4, aku dan beberapa kawan lain lagi dapat masuk kelas Mawar hinggalah darjah 6. Semasa di tahun 6, aku dilantik jadi ketua pengawas dengan Cik Ibtisam sebagai penolong. Masa tu taktau pun nak buat apa. Cikgu lantik jadi ketua, aku pun terima. Lucu kalau diingatkan kembali. Sepanjang tempoh aku jadi pengawas, cuma sekali saja aku pernah berada di pentas utama.Itupun sekadar membaca doa. Selalunya aku hanya menaikkan bendera. Mudah :)
Tahun 4 Mawar. Which one is me?

Masa di sekolah rendah jugak, awalnya aku tak sertai kelas Quran Tajwid (KAFA) pada waktu petang sebab nak tengok Gaban, Cyber Cop dan cerita superhero yang lain di kaca TV. Tambahan pulak, di rumah pun tok memang dah sedia ajar Al-Quran pun. Siap menangis-nangis lagi takmau baca masa tu. Entah la, sebab apa pun tak pasti. Aku ingat lagi, hari pertama aku di kelas KAFA tu ialah hari terakhir kelas tersebut sebelum cuti raya puasa. Masa tu baru darjah 3. In fact, satu-satunya sebab aku join kelas tu adalah untuk dapat duit raya!!! Aduhai...kanak-kanak sungguh masa ni. Namun lepas tu aku terus menerus pergi ke kelas KAFA setiap petang. Di sana aku kira aku mula belajar menjadi imam. Sebelum aku masuk, kawan aku si Hafizuddin yang selalu menjadi imam bila tiba giliran tahun kami solat. Tapi selepas tu, selalunya aku akan disuruh bergilir-gilir untuk menjadi imam. Semuanya gara-gara ada beberapa ustazah yang rapat dengan arwah tok. Cucu orang terkenal jugak barangkali aku ni. :P

Waktu keputusan UPSR diumumkan, aku hanya dapat 4A 1B. Sains dapat B! (entah macam mana sekarang ni ambik medic pulak kn? O.o) Mama memang dari awal-awal lagi plan nak hantar aku ke sekolah agama. Asas penting katanya. Lepas tu nak ambik apa pun ambiklah. Aku hanya apply ke dua sekolah saja. Maktab Mahmud dan Agama Kedah. Alhamdulillah aku dapat kedua-duanya. Mama prefer aku masuk asrama sebab katanya nanti boleh belajar berdikari sebab kalau masuk Maktab Mahmud aku tak dapat duduk asrama lantaran jarak rumah yang dekat dengan sekolah. So, tanpa berfikir panjang aku pun ikut sajalah cakap mama dan masuk ke SMKA Kedah. First time masuk asrama sedih jugak. Tapi sebagai seorang lelaki yang tabah, aku tak la pulak menangis-nangis ^^. Cool saja babe.

Sejak masuk sini aku kenal dengan dunia baru tanpa keluarga. Kebanyakan aktiviti semuanya dengan kawan-kawan. Hujung minggu saja selalunya mama dan baba datang melawat. Aku jarang outing masa di tingkatan satu tapi bila sampai di tingkatan 3, aku bukan sahaja selalu outing tapi siap buat extra outing lagi malam-malam. :P Masa tu ketagihan main counter strike dan nasik lemak 5 kupang (50 sen). Akhirnya kena sebat apabila kantoi dalam beberapa minggu sebelum PMR. (adik-adik yang baca blog ni jangan ikut ye perangai busuk ni!) Alhamdulillah la PMR semua lulus cemerlang. All A. ^__^

Tahun 2003 pertama kali aku betul-betul berjauhan dengan keluarga. Tapi kali ini hanya di Perlis. Sejam lebih perjalanan dari rumah di Langgar. MRSM Beseri banyak mendidik aku menjadi manusia yang lebih bertanggungjawab. Aku dilantik jadi LDP (pengawas) lepas tewas pilihanraya (kempen bosan sangat, mananya nak menang kan!). Sewaktu di MRSM aku ditakdirkan oleh Allah untuk berjumpa kawan-kawan yang tak ubah dengan kawan-kawan lama aku di SMKAK. Kelas kami adalah antara yang paling senyap dan tak proaktif. Semuanya konon-konon segan-segan (malu) dengan perempuan. Tak ubah macam kelas di sekolah agama. Sampailah hampir-hampir SPM, baru la semua macam lebih "terbuka". SPM alhamdulillah, batch 19 MRSM Beseri telah berjaya mendapatkan tempat pertama di Malaysia. Kenangan di Beseri lebih kepada pencapaian dalam pelajaran aku kira. Sungguh aku rindui saat mendapat semula kertas-kertas peperiksaan yang tak terlalu banyak bertanda dengan pen merah dan markah tinggi-tinggi. ^___^. Namun sebagai manusia aku sedar yang ada kalanya kita di bawah dan ada masanya kita di atas. Sekarang mungkin waktu-waktu aku berada di kawasan bawah dalam roda kehidupan setelah puas mengecapi saat-saat berada di atas. Tapi itu tak bermaksud saat berada di atas itu akan hilang selama-lamanya kn? :)
LDP Batch 19 MRSM Beseri

Sementara menunggu keputusan SPM, aku bekerja sebagai juruwang untuk sebuah syarikat pembekal alat-alat tulis di Alor Setar. Pengalaman pertama aku bekerja. Lepas tu aku ditawarkan ke Kolej Mara Banting selepas puas berhempas pulas menggunakan Bahasa Inggeris menjawab soalan semasa sesi temu duga dengan pegawai MARA. Sebuah kolej yang tak pernah aku ketahui langsung! Mujurlah rupa-rupanya ada saudara aku yang anaknya pernah bersekolah di sana. Arwah Pak Chaq Yin yang tolong temankan baba untuk hantar aku ke sana. Anak arwah iaitu Abang Husnee dan isterinya adalah antara generasi terawal di KMB. Jadi mudah lah sikit nak cari jalan ke kolej mara banting tu. KMB aku kira adalah antara tempat terawal yang mengenalkan aku dengan "dunia sebenar". Aku boleh kira macam agak culture shock jugak awal-awal tu bila masuk ke sana. Bentuk-bentuk pergaulan yang tak pernah aku lalui dalam hidup aku kini menjadi macam satu kebiasaan di sana.
M05Q

Bukan apapun sebenarnya, cuma bergaul lelaki dan perempuan dalam kelas dan aktiviti yang mendesak sahaja. Sebab itu jugaklah aku rasa aku bertemu dengan pengalaman yang sangat berharga di kolej ni. Aku pertama kali jatuh cinta secara serius di sini walaupun nampaknya indah khabar dari rupa. Bukan rezeki aku, apa yang dirancang tak menjadi kenyataan. Mujurlah aku dapat bangun semula selepas tragedi tersebut. Itulah kali pertama aku kira aku dapat lihat kebenaran bila orang kata kalau putus cinta kadangkala pelajaran pun entah ke mana. Disebalik segala kesukaran di KMB, aku berjaya dengan nyawa-nyawa ikan untuk menempatkan diri aku di RCSI, Ireland. Sungguh bersyukur aku bila dapat tahu aku terpilih untuk ditemuduga ke RCSI. Terima kasih kepada Asma', Jannah, Izzah dan lain-lain yang tolong editkan essay aku untuk permohonan ke RCSI tempoh hari. Kalau korang semua tak tolong, entah di mana aku sekarang ni. Thanks a million lads. Saat keputusan temu duga keluar juga aku rasa antara saat yang tak dapat aku lupakan. Subhanallah.

30 September 2007, tarikh keramat aku menjejakkan kaki di bumi asing ini untuk terus menyambung sebuah episod perjuangan yang belum selesai. Hinggalah saat ini, masih jauh perjalanan yang perlu aku lalui sebelum aku kira aku boleh selesa dengan pencapaian aku. Semoga diri ini terus kekal tabah dan bersemangat.

Itulah sedikit sebanyak tentang sejarah hidup aku. Banyak perkara yang berlaku sepanjang 22 tahun ini. Setiap satunya ada singnifikasi tersendiri. Mengajar dan mendidik aku menjadiseorang manusia dan mudah-mudahan mendekatkan aku dengan-NYA. Makin banyak berjalan (makin lama hidup) makin banyak perkara kita belajar. Semoga semua yang berlaku dalam diari hidup aku, dapat aku ambil sebagai pengajaran dan dijadikan iktibar. Semoga korang semua pun dapat mengambil sedikit sebanyak pengajaran insyaAllah.


Ucapan Hari Lahir
Kepada mama dan baba yang dirindui serta adik-adik tersayang, terima kasih yang tak terhingga Along ucapkan atas dorongan yang tak pernah putus-putus walau dalam apa jua keadaan sekalipun. Along mintak maaf sebab tak dapat nak beraya di Malaysia tahun ni. InsyaAllah tahun depan kalau ada rezeki kita beraya sekali. Terima kasih diucapkan kepada semua kaum keluarga yang terus menerus memberikan sokongan dalam meneruskan perjuangan yang penuh cabaran ni.
Suatu pagi di hari raya

Kepada rakan-rakan yang sentiasa mendoakan kesejahteraan dan sentiasa memberi sokongan, terima kasih aku ucapkan. Tanpa kalian, aku tak mungkin aku macam sekarang sebab sejak aku 13 tahun lagi aku spend lebih banyak masa dengan korang semua berbanding keluarga sendiri. Kehadiran kalian walau untuk jangka masa yang sangat singkat dalam hidup ini sangat aku hargai. Semoga Allah kurniakan yang terbaik untuk kalian semua di dunia dan akhirat dan juga semoga kita sama-sama berubah menjadi lebih baik bersempena bulan Ramadan yang mulia ni.

Ekstra
Syukur pagi tadi aku dapat berita yang aku lulus peperiksaan yang baru aku duduki lebih kurang dua minggu yang lalu. Dapatlah naik ke tahun ke 3 perubatan di RCSI ni. Sesungguhnya inilah antara hadiah hari jadi yang paling manis pernah aku terima. ^____^

Pengajaran besar aku dapat lepas gagal dalam satu subjek tempoh hari. Semoga lepas ni aku lebih gigih dan tak lagi main-main. (aku sedang cuba sedaya upaya untuk tak main DOTA lagi dan kalau boleh nak kurangkan masa di depan komputer ni) Tekanan sungguh besar bila masa depan menjadi pertaruhan. Semoga hal macam ni tak lagi berulang di masa hadapan.
Akhir kata, selamat berpuasa dibulan Ramadan yang mulia ini dan selamat beribadah serta selamat hari raya (tak awal sangat ka? ^_^). Semoga ramadan ini mampu merubah kita menjadi individu yang lebih baik insyaAllah.Wassalam.

Ikhlas,
Muaz Adam Mohd Nabil
26 Kingsland Park Avenue,
Dublin


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Engagement

Good morning and Peace be upon everyone,

Intriguing is it the title for this time? ^^
just would like to bring the attention of everyone to this topic since this summer i found out that a few of my friends already gone thru this process of engagement. not to mention, a few that already tied the knot. Praise to Allah SWT for making their dua' approved. May their marriage last as long as they still breath the air of the earth. Those in turn at the moment, i pray that u guys also got the best of the marriage and be bestowed by Allah SWT with HIS blessing.

credit to www.maliere.ie

1st case.
Here is the thing. from my understanding, the actual engagement is suppose to be the taa'ruf (get to know the fiancee aka future husband/wife) and it is should be as low profile (forgive me for the lack of vocabs here) as possible. The only people that should know is the family i suppose. The ring that a girl wear is only a sign that she is no longer available at the moment since someone is seriously considering to make her their future life partner and they are in a process of getting to know each other better. So, in case of anything unexpected suddenly happen during the engagement process and the couple find that they are not suitable for each other, it is permissable to break the engagement (with full of respect). So, since 'no one knows' about the engagement, it suppose not to cause any humiliation for any of the parties.

2nd case.
On the other hand, what is widely practice knowadays is totally different from my understanding. Engagement for most people is a step closer to tie the knot. Somehow it is no longer a process of getting-to-know-your-fiancee since it is futher preceded with the taa'ruf which had been lasting probably for years. Getting engage is almost as a certain promise of 'i will make u my lifelong partner and not going to re-consider it anymore since i already know you' (for perhaps years). The only thing that cohere with the classic engagement is the engagement ring. Letting the public know that they engaged somehow for me is totally their call [Considering that they have calculate all the probability of a disaster along the way]. about the grand engagement function etc. leave it for the moment as that can be just a way to announce the process.
............................................................................................................................

Here are the few thing that i find quite, amusing maybe for some of us and me especially.

1. What are the odd of someone who u dont really know to propose and get to know u more during the engagement if this is the case? -refer to the 2nd case- If your excuse always been 'i dont know u. so, how am i gonna get married with u' and u reject him straight away, how the heck is the first case ever gonna happen? (i thought this is when the engagement plays it roles and allow both the fiancee to know each other.)
2. I find it rather difficult to find classic example of engagement in actual practice since people tend to choose the 2nd option which assuming that the engagement is a little step away from becoming husband and wife. Thinking again, it is actually true because in both cases (1 and 2) it is a little step away from marriage but in the 1st case, u have the choice to take a step back and not harming (humiliating) anyone unlike the 2nd one which i think might cause a lot of humuliation for the girl since public is well aware of her status. How about u guys or is it really outdated and not suitable for the moment that we are living now?
3. A guy may manipulate the opportunity on a girl during the engagement as he can withdraw at any moment he want. This may be true. Unfortunately, this is totally depends on the seriousness of the proposal. This then goes back to the responsibility of the proposer as a human being to take full responsibility on his/her action. It should also be difficult for a guy/girl to propose and withdraw as many time as he/she wishes since the process involve family too. unless if the parents aren't responsible to0, this may happen in actual life. (O.o)
4. if u think u are traditional, why making fuss using middleman or whatever u wanna call it if your excuse would still be 'i dont know that guy/girl and i dont like him/her'? Why cant u decide only later after u got engage (exclusively for the classic example so that no one got humiliated)? *.*
5. Is it necessary for one who got the proposal ask his/her friends about the proposer? i guess no way one can resist the curiosity of getting to know others especially the one that come out with the proposal. ^^


footnote:
1. this is my first entry using chrome from google. cool browser but i dont find the marker for wrong spelling yet, so sorry if lots of typos here.
2. i though that buried deep the cut months ago. unfortunately it surfaced naturally when looking at those who got engaged recently. Im happy for you guys but at the same time it bleeds inside. silently.
3. Am listening to latest Black Eyed Peas album E.N.D. may this too finally signal the end of bloody helplessness tragedy. lalalalalala. getting high at 2.30 am. WTH!!!
4. Just got email from smart telecom about getting flagged coz unfortunately downloaded lots of crap movie recently. lol
5. This is not an entry to say anyone wrong or right, but totally based on my curiosity since i maybe a little traditional. o.O perhaps it may also help me to follow the right path as shown by the prophet Muhammad PBUH.
6. Someone told me this evening that Rasullullah left Muaz bin Jabal RA a dua' which he ask Muaz to always practice it (more or less). here how it sounds, 'Allahumma inni a'la zikrika, wa shukrika, wahusnil ibadatik.' Sound familiar rite? but do u know the story behind this word from Rasulullah?

*Edited*
Klik to enlarge the image.


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Do you agree?

No need to talk much, just listen and think. Is it correct what they talk about? May Allah bless us with HIS guidance from this short talk. Wassalam.






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